Suburban (in)Sanity

Defining Moment

Three more Reverb10 prompts to go, holy cow I think I will actually do this daily blog/writing thing this month! Hooray for me.

Today's prompt asks about a defining moment or series of events that affected my life this year. I think I'm going to take a spin on this a bit (really, what else is new?) and talk instead about a defining moment/series of moments that defines my LIFE in 2010.

And that is, the proverbial Death March to the Jefferson Memorial, July 13, 2010.

First, I hope you dear readers understand that I don't use the term Death March lightly. I was living in the Philippines when I was first exposed to the term "death march" in high school. The Bataan (just to be clear, this is pronounced Bah-tah-AHN. Not Bah-TAN. That would make me want to murder bunnies if you pronounced it that way. Save the bunnies, please.) Death March was a horrid piece of World War II, taking place along the Bataan Peninsula on the north end of Manila Bay in the Philippines. Many, many people died. We studied it in detail in school, at one point I was very familiar with the particulars. I don't mean to belittle that horrid event in history.

So when I tell you that I dragged my children on a 3.5 mile hike in downtown Washington, D.C., in JULY. Well, you'll know I mean the comparison in purely the literal sense. There were times when we thought we would actually die. No, we were certain.

The day started innocently enough. We've visited Washington, D.C. a number of summers in a row, tagging along with a regular work event of the husband's. So we've seen many of the sights. We did WWII in '08, the major monuments at night in '09, Air/Space and the Capitol in '09, etc. So when asking around this year, I got the recommendation to see the Building Museum, as they had a special lego exhibit.

We made it an adventure. First, I made the kids figure out the Metro, having given them some information ahead of time. They had to study the map, figure out our destination, figure out how much money to put on the metro cards, and see where to switch trains (yes, I helped a smidge, but mostly I let them figure it out.) Living waaaaay the heck out in the suburbs means we don't get the chance to use public transportation much, so I take it as a specific responsibility of mine to teach them/give them opportunities to learn about how to navigate another city's transportation systems when we travel. We did this again in NYC in November, very successful.

The building museum was lovely. 
One of my favorite pictures of the kids from 2010 (I used this as the cover for my annual Shutterfly Photo Book, which arrived today and came out great!) The lego part was so-so, but the kids had fun building in a huge playspace for lego building, so that was entertaining too.

We also managed to find an antique in the building museum, a real pay phone!

Very strange.

After the building museum, we stopped at a restaurant down the road for lunch. I reconnoitered with my phone and determined it was just under a mile to the White House, so I begged, I pleaded, I wheedled. The children agreed with me to go see the White House.

Along the way we had to stop to see a man about a horse.

Cause I'm addicted to taking pictures of my loved ones with bronze statuary. I have a whole collection of photos like this.

Then we did proceed on and see the White House, which is a bit of a disappointment these days since you're shunted pretty far away, but we saw the vegetable garden that First Lady Obama put in, neato.

Somewhere along here, we began to melt. Quite literally. I was alarmed. We set out in the morning with temps in the low 80s and a light drizzle/mist rain falling. By now it was over eleven hundred degrees.

Of course if you're familiar with the geography of D.C., you'll know that being next to the White House puts you in a public transportation No Man's Land. Not even taxis can get close, so we walked. Trudged. Marched. On.

Right past the Washington Monument, which is cool when you try to hold it up or pinch its top.

And of course as any sane person knows, after melting in D.C., you absolutely must buy popsicles from a street vendor. So we did that and got a huge bottle of water to split, then trudged on.

By now I had the brilliant idea of taking them past the World War Two monument, which was Right There. And had a FOUNTAIN. This was very smart of me.

We all cooled our tootsies, and then I convinced them that we should also go to see the Jefferson Memorial, which was Right There.

Where?

There.

And there's this strange rip in the space-time continuum along the walkway to the Jefferson Memorial, because no matter how far you walk you can't seem to get any closer.

So we walked.

And it turns out the FDR Memorial is along the way. More water! And the very interesting bread line to line up in. Remember my bit about bronze statuary?

But after FDR, we had to keep walking.

Can you tell how thrilled my little angels were by now?

It just didn't seem to get any closer.

Until, suddenly, we were there. Can you imagine the joy? Best part? It was mildly air conditioned on the lower level. We shopped for souvenirs until our legs couldn't take it anymore.

We made it!

And, really, it was worth it for this photo alone:

And now? We have this memory to talk about, joke about, compare other experiences to. "Oh, it's no Jefferson Memorial." And my kids are old enough to laugh along, appreciate the joke, and enjoy the process that got us there, even though we did spontaneously combust somewhere on the ellipses.

Travel in 2010

For someone who doesn't travel much, I sure travelled a lot in 2010!

We've been doing a trip to Florida for spring break the last few years. I've discovered that my emotional well-being is GREATLY enhanced by excessive amounts of sunshine and warmth in the late March timeframe. We stayed with Nana and Granddad, and visited the beach and pool many times. We went to Florida with two kids, but we returned with two...fish! Swimming is something the kids are getting better and better at and in Florida they had ample time to practice.

Summer, my nice, calm summer. Sigh. We went to Washington, D.C. in July, tagging along with DH on a business trip as we've done three or four of the last five summers. It's always an excellent trip, even though it's frigging JULY in WASHINGTON, D.C.! I am lucky to have a couple of really great cousins in the area, with kids all the same ages so the second cousins (did you know that's what it's called? My cousins' kids are my kids' second cousins. If all our children have children, those kids, that generation, would be third cousins, as the number + cousins indicates generation, apparently. Or so I was told. By a cousin. ;)

We also have some really great friends in the area who put us up for the weekend after the downtown part of the trip, which was fabulous. I'm convinced that some people's houses just have good house karma or a good house feel, probably has something to do with natural light and how a house sits on the lot and the division of rooms and the like, but it's just wonderful being with them. Maybe it's also about not seeing them very often and enjoying the time to catch up while the kids play.

Later in August, we went to Wisconsin for a week on a lake. None of the fancy lakes, but close enough to Milwaukee that we took an evening to go see a Brewer's game.

Then late in August, the kids and husband went to Kansas City for a weekend to see his family, which was great for them, and surprisingly great for me, too. I was able to get a lot of editing done (more on that later) on a novel I'd been working on for a long time, and had a nice time just being on my own in my own house, something that doesn't happen very often as most moms would understand.

In October, I went to Oregon on my first big trip away from family for a writer's workshop (one of Dean Wesley Smith's if you were curious. If you're serious about your writing, I highly recommend them!) It was 5 nights away, though I was home late late on the 5th night. I'm happy to report that the children and I survived, as did the husband. I had a great time, went to learn how to prep a marketing package for a novel and learned exactly that, and am now four rejections in on that novel. Le sigh. One of these times it'll hit, I'm sure.

November brought another trip, if you can believe it. I haven't been able to put my head around all this travel myself, particularly given I'm such a homebody! We went to New York City for the NYC marathon that my husband and his brother ran. Very cool marathon, and it was great being in the city with the kids. Great trip, I love being able to walk/train everywhere (another reason why I like D.C. so much!)

And also in November we drove to the Kansas City area to spend Thanksgiving with my husband's family. As vegetarians, Thanksgiving isn't the kind of event for us that it is for most people, but it was lovely and we had a good time. Glad we went. I enjoyed talking walks each day with the dogs and various nieces, uncles, grandparents, etc. Very cool.

Now here in December we're breathing a sigh of relief about not having to travel anymore this year! And mind you, this is a report of my/the kids' travel only - my poor husband has been logging loads of miles for work. Hard. We're doing the opposite, which is hard in its own way, right now - hosting much family for the few days we're all in the same state at the same time. Worth it, but a wee bit part of me is slightly looking forward to Friday when nobody needs to be in our house for any reason. ;)

Did you do much travelling this year? Plans for next?  I honestly don't know what next year holds, but if ticket prices stay this high for everything, we might be staying put the whole year!

 

On being busy, in all its flavors and colors

One word to encapsulate 2010, that's what today's Reverb prompt is.

And all I can think of is busy. Busy busy busy.

My friends with kids older than me warned me this day would come, but I never quite understood them. Maybe it was their "Oh, you think you're busy NOW" delivery, or my own naivete? Or perhaps just a belief that I am the master of my domain, the captain of my own soul, and thus I can choose to be as busy or as not-busy as I like.

Ha ha ha. Oh that's nice. I've blogged about activities for kids before - how much IS too much? And I still don't know the answer, even many months and several different activities later. And it's a question that I can't seem to answer for the kids OR myself, that's the sticky wicket.

It's not just the mom taxi that keeps me busy (though between dance, gymnastics 2x/week plus monthly meets, baseball 3x/week, softball 3x/week, short-lived basketball 2x/week, various art classes, band, theater camp, regular summer camp, swim lessons, piano lessons, and all of the associated running-around that those activities create the need for, like baseball cleats and dance photos, and clarinets, I do find that the car's mileage continues to creep up.)

But I do all these other things, too. It's a constant balancing act, trying to prioritize and decide which things bring me the most enjoyment, where I feel my talents are best used, what things fill me up instead of just depleting me.

I'm getting better at this, but am still just busy. I plan all the family vacations/travel (there was a lot this year - Florida in March/April, D.C. in July, Wisconsin in August, my trip to OR for a writing workshop in October, New York and Kansas City in November) and am chief in charge of all food purchasing and prep in our house. We got a dog in January, and until recently had a very sick cat with complicated medical needs at home (instead now we have a 4 month old kitten who thinks licking knuckles while I type is FUN, and the cursor is some elaborate and very entertaining game designed just for her.) While I have a litter box man, pet food and daily care is mostly on me.

I'm a very active volunteer breastfeeding counselor, putting in 2-5 hours/week in my work there. I helped run the school's auction again this year, though unofficially which is one of those things I do well - being unofficially officially involved, lol. In the crunch time it was up to 20 or 30 hrs/week (plus plus), but for much of the early part of the year it was 5-10.

The garden doesn't plant itself, though I do mostly ignore it once it's planted. We've had a number of rather aggravating household systems failures this year (the water/well drama is still going on!), which require someone to be home and in regular communication with some service provider of some sort. Me. 

I'm a co-president of the Parent Association board at the kids' school this year, which is much more work than I expected (though not terribly hard work, but work that takes time.) And I volunteer in other ways at school as much as I can, and in ways I think are most helpful like attending Open Houses as an experienced parent to answer questions, or helping with the Book Fair because I'm such a big book geek. I think my tally of books read this year is up past 50 (counting the audio books the kids and I listen to in the car - something's got to take the edge off all that dull suburban driving! Listening to Septimus Heap or The Prydain Chronicles definitely takes the edge waaay off.)

And somewhere in there I managed to write another novel (a piece of crapola one yet, but I have faith in my ability to whip it into shape now that the bones are down,) edit and polish another, attend a workshop for and submit that polished one out to the great wide world of publishing, e-publish a short story, and write countless blog posts and little bits of ideas on scraps of paper and corners of notebooks and around the margins of work-related notes.

Oh, yeah, and I picked up another project, actual paying work that is occasionally difficult to shoehorn in among the other things that occupy my time (though work naturally gets highest priority given that people actually PAY me to do those things, whereas every other thing on my list is currently unpaid.)

So do I feel justified in being busy? I think writing it out helps me give shape to the busy, makes me feel like it's not just a smoke screen. Because I have often encountered people in my life who I think use "busy" as an excuse to avoid things, not have deep relationships, not develop their own interests, because they're just so "busy."

But then again, who am I to judge? Someone else might look at this list and wonder why I don't work more hours, why I haven't cleaned off my desk in a hundred thousand years, why is the basement is still stacked with paperwork and crud from our move 7 years ago, or why my children sometimes wear stained clothes.

The answer here isn't more Busy. It's the People Before Things answer that I love so so much. Yeah, we might be busy, but I can tell you all the books my kids have read in the last year, the names of all of their classmates (cheating a little, they attend a small school,) what brand of peanut butter is preferred, and how much washing is necessary before child A can interact with friend B who has a deathly allergy to peanut butter.

But I can also talk plot details and characterization in all of my active works-in-progress. I can speak intelligently about the latest research in breastfeeding, the current trends in the e-publishing business, the state of eLearning authoring tools, and the impact new technologies like the iPad are having on the world. Being a sane person with interests outside my children's (as much as I love them and cherish them) has been one of my goals of mothering, and I feel I have accomplished that goal well. However, in the process, I've become, well, rather Busy.

Next year, my goal is to look back on this prompt and write my 2011 word. For next year, I plan to aim for Balanced.

New York City With 2 Small Children - a Photo Essay, post 2 of 2 (the actual marathon)

Chopping up this into two posts to keep from grinding your poor browser to a screeching halt with all my high-end photo goodness.

These are the pictures from the actual marathon (and its aftermath.) Without further ado...

On marathon morning, we were up early enough to see the lead men. One of these guys won the race and probably a lot of money, too.

And then there's the guy dressed in full mariachi gear. For the record, he appeared to have smoked my DH...

Oh, how embarassing, we all wore our yellow shirts (duoh!) This is John at mile 11.5, looking great. I have never failed to find him in a marathon, though it's been close sometimes (or missed at one mile marker but found him elsewhere during the race.) Technology is making this easier, I had real-time chip tracking on my runners so I could tell when they were getting close to where we were spectating from.)

And our beautiful daughter at mile 11.5, looking startlingly gorgeous.

To use an expression from Ree, the Pioneer Woman (one of my favorite blogs), I die.

At what point in the race do you think this guy was rethinking his ensemble? "Maybe next time I'll only wear one hat, and ditch the flag..."

Uncle Mike approacheth, Mile 11.5, he's in the left center of the frame, dark orange top, bib ends in 33.

The Becker Boys cheering section!

Who wouldn't feel inspired with this little one cheering you on?

In New York City, even Spongebob has handlers and an entourage.

Felt hat. Really? I would have thought it would have blown away...

JB passing us just before 26, still looking great. Totally oblivious even though we were *right there* and I was shouting his full name, much to the amusement of the Irish couple who graciously ceded space to us so we could see him. Ah, well, I have photographic evidence, we were *totally* there.

Afterwards, because we hadn't been on our feet enough, we went to the Natural History Museum and saw Rexie, from Night at the Museum.

Too tired for anything else, we used clean bathrooms, ate some extremely overpriced museum food, and I spoiled the kids rotten with random crap from the gift shop. A totally fulfilling museum trip.

Highlight of the trip: We stayed in Chelsea, which is known for flower shops. This kitty, named Charlie, loved to come up to the door in the evenings when we'd pass and meow at us.

John's second favorite beer of the year (or is it third by now? Of course the first is the first one after the marathon.)

There were a plethora of digital devices on the table as Mike and I played dueling iPhones to figure out which restaurant to go to for dinner. We had already eaten once at the place in this photograph, so while it was fine, we decided to go elsewhere to get a change of scenery. In case anyone was counting, that's two iPhone 4s (plus one, not pictured), one iTouch (not the latest gen), one first gen iPhone that doesn't have a contract or cell service anymore, but the kids like to play games on, and my Nook propped on the table in the upper left corner.

We ended up at a place called Rare, in a hipster hotel a block and a half away. It was awesome. Or we were really hungry. Kind of the same, no?

Our family outside the restaurant, Rare, in New York City, November 2010

JB's temporary tat. If ever I say aloud "I wonder where the kids get their freckles" I hope someone will show me this picture and say "Duh" really loud.

New York City With 2 Small Children - a Photo Essay, post 1 of 2

We were in New York City recently for the marathon. [1] My husband runs, for the curious. This was #11, his first New York. His brother ran as well (#6 or 7, also first NY.) It was fantastic weather the whole weekend, we walked EVERYWHERE, and yes, even though I didn't run a marathon I got blisters. Only me...

At any rate, here's our photo essay, enjoy!

The first evening there we had strange weather, but I loved it - particularly the way the light hit this building.

Kids were fascinated by water towers, and lack of alleys (Chicago is littered with alleys, and thus the litter ends up in the allies more than on streets. Or at least the big bins.)

Ah, congestion. We walked and subwayed everywhere, nice for a change since in our neighborhood the only place we can get in a 5 minute walk is...more neighborhood.

Don't my two boys have the most gorgeous blue-green eyes?

Uncle Mike lives near the flatiron lookalike in Chicago, which is much smaller and a wider triangle.

My aspiring model. Sigh.

On the steps of the Surpreme Court of NY..."And the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders..." (Oh, THOSE steps...)

We walked up the Brooklyn bridge. Just for kicks.

It's one helluva bridge. Built not long after the Civil War. Makes me feel inadequate that we haven't solved the problem of natural language parsing in the 20+ years I've been in the computing field...

Family on the bridge with Brooklyn in the background. And a couple making out. Eww.

Uncle Mike, but with Manhattan in the background of his pic. And no couple making out, woot.

Because we weren't done walking, we walked from the Brooklyn Bridge over to Ground Zero, where there's not much to see but there's the cross.

And the plate identifying it. As if we didn't see it and know immediately (we did.) But awe-inspiring all the same.

More in the next post!

 

[1] No, no, I don't run. [2]

[2] Unless I'm being chased [3]

[3] By a guy with a weapon of some sort [4]

[4] But not just any weapon, it has to be a scary one, you know, one that just reeks of impending doom. Like a scimitar or something. [5]

[5] Yes all these were just an excuse to find a reason to use the word scimitar.

 

How smartphones have changed travel with families

Traveling today is different than it was just 2-3 years ago.

First, it's a little easier to take some basic safety precautions. Before setting out, snap some pictures of the kids in their travel clothes. If you somehow get separated, it will be simple to show others what your child was wearing. 

It almost goes without saying, but I personally like to put my kids in bright clothes on travel days, or something memorable (like my son's awesome yellow and red iron-man t-shirt.)

 
Two seasoned travelers.

Consider a product like Mabel's Labels 411 bracelets which give you an easy way to provide contact information that stays with your child.

When teaching your children their full name, address, and phone number, toss in your cell phone number, too. You can try some of these math tricks although our technique of "call daddy's cell phone" has worked just fine, too. (They're motivated to remember the number so they can be the one to dial it first!) It's one more way they can help someone find you if you do get separated (remember it's a good idea for your child to know both your first and last name.) 

If your child is too young to remember your number and you haven't had the chance to order the 411 bracelets, you can always put your name and information on a small slip of paper and tuck it into their pockets or write it on their garment tag with a laundry marker.

Remind your children if they do get lost or separated to follow Gavin DeBecker's advice and look for another mommy/woman. I told my children this rule again recently and mentioned how most mommies have cell phones and would make absolutely sure that the child finds his or her mom because we know what it would be like if we were separated from our children. They totally got this.

Getting around in another town is much different with a smartphone with GPS. Travel used to involve a lot of printed-out instructions, concierge directions, or notes written down from hurried phone calls to friends, including highway names and turns, where the tollbooths were. I'd always be up late the night before a trip writing down all the instructions, printing things out, collecting them and safely tucking them (into a pocket of a bag I would then forget about, but that's a different story...) 

Now I just rely on my phone. It's smarter than me, after all. And if my phone's GPS ever fails, I can always just call the person we're visiting.