Community - it's what you make it!

Another December day, another Reverb10 prompt. Today it's about Community - where have you found community in your life, what have you done to create it or go looking for it, that sort of thing.

It's such an interesting question, one that occupied me so much in the early days of being the at-home parent. I'm only partly the at-home parent these days (though if there IS one, it's me, but I work sometimes, too.) It was really important to me to find a community to connect with. And surprising to me to find out that I couldn't just plug into any 'ol community and expect it to turn into rewarding relationships.Truthfully, this quest for community began occupying me soon after the stick turned pink.

  So instead of reflecting on communities I've sought and found in 2010 (which is causing me to scratch my head because I can't think of anything new I've connected in with this calendar year) I'd rather muse on my imaginary friends that live in my computer.

This photo to the left is me with one of those imaginary friends, Renee, who hosted me overnight, picking me up from the airport and everything! when I was out on the Pacific coast for a writer's workshop in October.

I first connected with this one group of moms in the early winter of 2001. Newly pregnant and having no idea what all a pregnancy would entail, I joined an online message board on iVillage for moms due the same month I was (my due date was Sept 5, 2001. Mercifully that little guy decided to show up a few days early so he's a school cut-off-day baby of Sept 1, 2001, which I've ranted about in the past.)

I had no idea at the time that I was extending a lifeline into a community of women that I would value and treasure more and more with each passing year. When big news hits, this group is who I want to tell (among the) first. When bad news looms, they're also on the list. When I need to think something through, which you should know by now I do best when I write, I can write it to these friends and they know me, love me, and understand me enough by now (heaven knows they've had ample opportunity in the almost 10 years we've known each other!) and have them act as a sounding board, talking me down from the ledge or up onto it, as the situation warrants.

And the biggest thing this group has taught me is what I titled this post - that community is what you make it. If you need something from a group, you have to be prepared to give something into the group, too. You can't just be a bystander all the time and expect to remain connected. Coming and going from a group is okay, but to consider yourself part of it, you have to choose to be a part of it. That choice may change for each person over time, and I've noticed that my friendships in person and online have ebbed and flowed over the years, but one thing has remained constant and that is my need for those deep connections with people I feel comfortable with.

We've been through so much together, my online friends - a core group of about 25 of us. Funny thing is, I've only met a handful in person. But we've cemented friendships with bits and bytes, courtesy of the internet, and that is more than enough. I feel lucky to have such great friends in my life!

Comments

[Renee]

So well said. I do consider the people in our little 2001 group my friends forever, and oddly have told you all things that I never would say out loud IRL (and will continue to). if you'd asked me 10 years ago if I could ever include someone I've never met on my list of BFFs.... I would have laughed at you. But you are.

[Beth]

Funny, isn't it, how we've maintained this group for so long? It's one of my most treasured collections of friends, though, and I would miss you all terribly if we couldn't stay connected.