While sort-of cleaning off my desk, I found this little piece I wrote on 1/27/09 . It's still true today, but I'll admit I was surprised at the raw emotions. The best way to explain it or to title it is as a love note to my daughter. My beautiful, energetic, brilliant, exhausting daughter.
So much of parenting is wishing enough.
Enough love. Enough challenge. Enough good feelings. Enough money. Enough food. Enough time.
For now, I wish for you that the things I do are enough. Because most days I feel like I don't do enough. I don't listen enough. I don't have enough patience. I don't spend enough time.
You demand more of me, which is nice the way that it challenges me, but hard in so many ways because I wonder if it'll ever be enough. If I will ever be enough. If you will ever feel the world has enough for you. You demand so much of the world - is it enough?
And if I can't be enough for you now, while you're young, what about later? When others aren't so dedicated to ensuring your well-being? Have I given you enough of me now, so that it will be enough for later when the world is crowding in on you? Will you know what is enough? Do you have enough sense of you, so that you can tell the world to back off?
Will you wallow through life in constant disappointment, because nobody is ever enough for you? Nothing is ever enough? Or will you push yourself too far? Feeling that you're never good enough? Feeling that you're not trying hard enough?
I shudder at the thought of you, my beautiful strong-willed, creative, smart daughter ever feeling that way.
Instead, I want you to feel enough. I want you to know that you are loved. That your creativity is beautiful. That your mind is amazing. And that that is enough.