Suburban (in)Sanity

Ode on a Wireless Access Point that Does Not Suck

Ode on a Wireless Access Point that Does Not Suck

 

Thou access point of doom,

How you taunt me with,

Your wavy bars of signal and glowing green lights,

Indicating neither signal, nor strength

 

Your suckage pulls at me,

Dragging my productivity down, down,

Until I cling to the edge of the pit of despair,

Fearing to never see another silly kitten video,

 

But what, fair Wireless Access Point?

Thou just wanteth me to reconfigure my wifi?

But do yet you not understand?

I am on a tosh de macin, this device excels beyond my limited intellect,

 

Spirits again dashed like paint on concrete,

I contemplate a roof-test for your beloved countenance,

And as I gently lift thine metal body from thine shelf,

What? The internet is back up? ...Meow

 

If you should come to our house this holiday season...

If you should come to our house this holiday season, I hope you will see the chaos and think kindly of us.

When you see food on the counter or a fridge bursting with veggies, yogurt, eggs, and leftovers, I hope you'll know we are grateful to have plenty to eat.

When you see the dog gates and dog toys everywhere, I hope you'll think we are smart to introduce our kids to the joys and responsibilities of pet ownership.

When you see messy floors, I hope you'll think that we're too busy making memories to be very good housekeepers.

When you see a thousand and one projects in-process with masking tape and posterboard and sewing machines and string and bits of foil and partly-decorated cookies and tally sheets and dice and building blocks and legos and bottles partly filled with powders of uncertain origin, I hope you'll appreciate that letting the kids explore and learn and live their lives with us in this space is what we signed on for when we became parents.

If you come to our house this holiday season I hope you'll know that the greatest gift each of us have to give and receive is the gift of our time, and we look forward to spending some with you.

Family Holiday Movie Rental Roundup

So another holiday weekend has come and almost gone. We've hardly left the house in four days. I, being a wise and intelligent mom (this ain't my first rodeo...) visited the handy dandy redbox nearest our home on Wednesday morning to procure us some Holiday Rental Delights.To save you some trouble, here's my extremely opinionated view of the movies we saw this weekend:

Green Lantern

Green Lantern - Okay, first, what's the big deal with the lead actor? He's cute, but do people really think he was more deserving than Bradley Cooper for People's ahemist man alive this year? Have you *seen* The A-Team? Oy. Speaking of which, saw it again on cable a few weeks ago and still highly recommend. It's clever, a little violent, but mostly funny. Okay for ages 10+.

But back to Green Lantern. No. On second thought. Don't go back to Green Lantern. ("Over Macho Grande?")

It just wasn't that good. The plot, ugh. But fine. It's a superhero movie, I can adjust my plot standards. But the acting didn't make up for it. There was this feeble attempt to make a strong female character by having her be a fighter pilot, but then the rest of the movie they kept putting her in 4" teeter-tottery heels and having her swoon on balconies waiting for her beau. Barf. She was cute, though, I'd see her in other movies. The special effects were just uber cheesy to me. And it was definitely entirely too long. The kids found it scary in many parts (and these are kids who are not easily scared...they've watched all Star Wars movies, all Harry Potters, all Lord of the Rings, and were more scared by Green Lantern. Sigh.)

Karen Recommendation: Skip it (I'm glad we only spent $1 at Red Box on this one...)

Kid Recommendation: Too scary (ages 8 & 10)

Spy Kids 4

Next Up, Spy Kids 4, a true made-for-kids movie.

This is a cute run in the Spy Kids universe, actually called Spy Kids All the Time in the World in 4D. The first movie was always the best, but this is a cute side tale with Jessica Alba playing a stepmother (who is actually the spy) to two kids who become Spy Kids. There's an awesome part for both Carmen and Juni from earlier SK movies (dang they grew up!) While I fiddled on my ipad most of the movie, it was certainly tolerable adult fare. Kids really enjoyed it. Funny automoton dog who poops out blasting ball bearings, perhaps the kids' favorite part.

Karen Recommendation: Go for it

Kid Recommendation: Two thumbs up

Ocean's Eleven

Thanksgiving night proper, we rented Ocean's Eleven via On Demand for $4. Yes, we watched it with our children, we're quite horrible parents. ;) Actually, other than some swear words and cigar smoking and drinking, it's actually quite a tame movie. The kids really like whodunnit style movies with puzzles that you have to work to figure out (they've watched the movie Clue a dozen times, trying to anticiapte all the various possible outcomes or explain the puzzle. Which, fair warning, has quite a bit of raunchy stuff in it, though it's mostly veiled/referred to obliquely.) This is one of my all-time favorite movies and the kids thought it was pretty interesting, though the youngest was less enthralled. 

Karen Recommendation: Always love this movie

Kid Recommendation: Probably best for ages 10 & up, the 8 year old was a little less engaged

Super 8

The last movie we watched this weekend was Super 8, and it was by far the best movie we've seen in a long time, Harry Potter 7 parts 1 and 2 notwithstanding. It was definitely pretty scary, though. There were many cling-to-mommy/daddy moments, however both kids were totally engaged the whole time and the scary parts were tempered well. There were several surprising "snatchings" in the movie that were the primary cause of mommy-clinging. The main characters are really relatable for kids and it's really the kids' story, which is different from a lot of movies where kids have starring roles. Even Spy Kids 4, to a degree, isn't really the kids' story the way Super 8 is.

The violence/scary parts aren't particularly gory, and in several cases someone is "snatched" that later turns up alive (though some seem to meet untimely ends, too.) The story revolves around a boy creating a movie, using his Super 8 camera, but mostly it's about his friend who helps and the relationships this boy (the friend) creates in the course of a few days in early summer in the late 70s in an Ohio steel town.

I don't want to give too much of it away, but it's a fantastic movie, very interesting, and worth every penny of the $3.60 we ended up spending since we returned it late to redbox. ;)

Karen Recommendation: Highly recommend, even if you don't have kids

Kid Recommendation: Highly recommend, but keep a parent close for hiding eyes and/or clinging when needed.

Speaking of redbox, a few reasons I absolutely adore redbox:

1) Movies for around a buck.

2) Many machines are outside, making it almost a drive-thru experience (can certainly leave kids/pets in the car.)

3) It *doesn't matter* which redbox you return the movies to. Anywhere, anytime. Let me say that again. You can return your redbox movie to ANY redbox anywhere!

4) There are redbox machines north, south, east and west of me. Anywhere I might be going I will likely be passing a machine, further easing the rent/return paradigm.

5) There aren't any "late fees" - just an additional rental fee for any missed nights. No harm, no foul. If you fail to return your movie for 25 or more days they just assume it's yours and charge you a flat rate (25-35 depending on whether you rented DVD or Blu-ray.)

6) You can reserve online, so the title you want is there for certain. Or you can scope out your machines in your area and figure out which ones have the larger box (therefore greater inventory) and rent THERE, since odds are greater that your title will be in stock. Then you can return it anywhere that is convenient.

While they don't have every movie ever made and there's sometimes delays on which movies are avaialble via redbox when, it's still a fantastic rental solution for the busy family. I'm a little tired of getting ripped for $6+ On Demand HD rentals that have poor playback quality. At least with a DVD I know what I'm getting.

So - what movies did you watch over the holiday weekend and would you recommend them?

 

 

Book Review - Matched by Ally Condie

I just finished Matched by Ally Condie . It was excellent, I highly recommend it. It is a(nother) YA dystopia. What I found interesting was how the author manipulated the limited point of view of the main character to have us, the readers, brought along on the journey to see how the existing Society was oppressing the main character and all of those she holds dear. The fundamental conflict is a love story conflict, but the book was recommended to me by a friend's 16 year old son, so I believe there's plenty in it that would appeal to males and females.

Matched opens with the main character getting ready for her Match banquet, where she'll learn who her Match will be with all the other 17 year olds from her borough. Unlike the other kids, though, her Match is someone she already knows, a boy she grew up with who is already dear to her. Later she looks at her microcard with her match's info, which she doesn't need since she already knows him, and for a brief moment a different boy's face pops up as her Match. Problem is, she ALSO knows him.

So the main conflict begins with Cassia's curiosity about the other boy, Ky, growing, all while she's starting to notice the oppressive aspects of her Society, such as the three pills they're all required to carry at all times (red "for emergencies", blue that can provide nutrition for three days, and green to calm down) or the fact that at 80, you die. Everyone does.

Because of the love story premise, I'd keep this in the upper middle school/high school age range for recommendations, but there is no overt violence or sexual content so it could be appropriate for younger readers (just might not be that interesting.) The parallels to war time oppression and oppressive regimes in modern day are very interesting and could lead to great book group discussions.

The pace is quick and I found myself enjoying the way the author unveiled the story so much that I slowed down in reading it, which is something I do sometimes when I want a book to last. I felt the characters were very believable, and even though it's a love story, really it's a rebellion story, and that made it very very interesting.

 

Dear my teenage self, it's me.

I was incredibly moved by this video, posted by a friend (who I think is friends with the video author:)

 

 

 

And I literally couldn't stop thinking about it, so I did what I often do when I can't stop thinking about something, I wrote. I thought at first I might create a similar video expressing similar sentiments, but Mark does a quite phenomenal job with his, and as it turns out, I hate looking at myself on video. My talents lean more toward the written word, so write I did. This is one of those blog posts that wrote itself, I served as transcriber. I hope it means something to you. What would YOU tell your 16 or 18 year old self?

 

Dear Karen at age 17

 

Hi there. It's me. I'm almost forty now. Stop it with that ridiculous gawk. 40 is the new 30, or so the media keeps telling me. Whatever, here I am, and there you are. I've got some shit to say, girl, so listen up.

 

First, you're doing a good job. Keep your chin up. Ignore the idiots at school. Whether it's the second or third school in four years, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them whether the kids accept you or not. Your family had to move around, so what? Should I tell you now that the Georgetown thing didn't work out? But don't despair. Northwestern was full of an incredibly great group of people, including some really cute guys. Well, one in particular. You'll love him. Really, you will. And Amy. Listen to her when she says stuff, she's got that wisdom thing you're always looking for.

 

Second, the fact that bouncing around in high school meant you took a bunch of ridiculous classes to fulfill ridiculous guidelines you didn't know existed, this is a bunch of crazy. And it matters not even a little bit when you move beyond, so just deal with it, embrace the experiences, you'll be fine.

 

You know what else? Be nice to that girl in French class. You're going to run into her again in about 18 years and you're going to help her with questions she has about breastfeeding her babies and she's going to be so glad and you're going to be the rock star. Yep, breastfeeding, taking care of the neighbor's kids when they were itty bitty will be a great foundation. Don't forget to thank mom, either. She gets touchy when you forget that she breastfed all five of us.

 

Third, don't get cocky about the idea that the kids at school think you're smart. Calc II will kick your butt and show you who's boss. And a C+ will feel like a mercy fuck and you will be grateful. I believe that marks the first time I've used the F word in this blog (it's a family blog!) - but you see, I care about you so much I had to say it so you'd get the point. Your life is bigger than Calculus II. Your life is bigger than the guy who wants to get into your pants when you're CERTAIN you're not ready for that. Your life is bigger than the people in the lunchroom who didn't notice you (be kind, they've been at the same school together a long time. You'd be the same if it were you. It's not your fault that it's not.)

 

But the most important thing I have to say is: He's. Not. Worth. It. But on the other hand, surviving it will make you stronger. You are awesome, and when you find him (the capital H him...), when you figure it out (be kind with yourself, it might take you a little time to figure it out. See aforementioned point about listening to Amy) you will feel that little click in your head, in your heart, and it's real. And it's all real. And they are real. They are PEOPLE, these two you create with your soul mate. They are beautiful and they love you more than the sun and the moon and all the stars in the sky. And you have GOT to be here to meet them, create them, be their mom. This is the most important thing you will ever do.

 

So, girl, don't you DARE think about cutting yourself. Your skin is just fine, even if a little blemished. Don't you DREAM about the other ways you can hurt yourself. You get down, you go TALK to someone. Mom and dad will help you find someone if you need. And the booze? Lay off a bit. Some of those guys who are not worth it think drunk girls are an invitation to be a sleaze. And if you can't lay off the sauce, get yourself a couple good girlfriends (see aforementioned point about Amy, yo. You need about three of her to get yourself through to age 40.)

 

Hey, sweetie, you need to be here. It is an awesome place to be. Can't wait to see you.

 

Love you,

 

xoxoxoxo

 

Me

Just what do you *DO* all day?

I read this great q/a post by Carolyn Hax in the Washington Post today and almost got whiplash from nodding so vehemently. Even the most sensitive husband (again I remind you that I write from the point of view of the sometimes stay-at-home wife/mom, who also works sometimes, writes, volunteers, and does a thousand other things. This list is likely true/similar for at-home parents of both genders) has come home once in a while and asked - audibly or not - what did you do all day?

A small list of the kinds of things we at-home parents do (yes, yes, some working parents do these tasks too. Trust me, when I'm working I do all this PLUS work. But again, in the interests of the argument I'm making, just go with me on this):

• All food prep, including all food planning (this includes not just what to serve for dinner, but shopping in advance to be sure the materials are on hand)
• Junk mail handling/sorting
• Any sort of coupon clipping in the house (including finding the random useful coupons amidst the junkmail storm)
• Anticipating kids' needs/desires for food for packed lunches and meals
• Tidying up. Ad nauseum.
• Family photo management - including thoughtful christmas card selection, photos into frames, selecting and arranging payment for photos from school and sporting events)
• Family taxi - to and from sporting events, clubs, classes, school/bus stop)
• Family video management
• Some of pet care, generally along the planning and anticipating lines - planning for boarding for vacations, purchasing food, litter, beds, leashes, etc.
• Anticipating children's growth patterns and purchasing (on sale!) the right clothing in the right sizes for the right seasons.
• Buying new shoes every three months.
• Paying enough attention to notice the kids are outgrowing their shoes/socks/underwear/knowing that shoes/socks/underwear are on sale at XYZ store and pre-buying to not have to buy full-price at some point in the not-too-distant future. Damn kids keep growing.
• Family healthcare - dentist, orthodontist, annual physicals, sick visits, ob/gyn and personal health care including mamograms, colonoscopies, other "it sucks getting old" care
• Extended family healthcare - staying informed about aging parents or single siblings' health challenges, attending some doctors visits or coordinating care for some situations
• Pet healthcare - vet visits, maintaining vaccination schedules, administering medicines, exercise
• Reading material monitoring - staying in tune with what kids are reading, purchasing books needed, shuttling to library, approving selections
• Homework assistance, including the creation of whatever structure necessary to ensure homework actually can be completed - quiet zones, clean desks, writing implements available
• Monitoring of digital media consumption by the short folks, knowing what they're watching/playing, approving, limiting, dealing with the whining that comes from setting those limits
• School management - school library book remindings, school field trip forms, class parties, birthday celebrations (your own and others)
• Volunteering for one of the thousand things school/sports teams request - bringing juice boxes to practice or helping lead a small reading group, and many variations in between.
• Household maintenance and management - furnace and a/c care, lawn and garden scheduling, cable and phone, plumbing, exterminators, water services, waste haulers, handling any of the emergency services needed and keeping track of paperwork
• Household chores - dishes, laundry (including handwash items, knowing which things must air dry, separating colors), putting away laundry
• Child clothing management - migrating between cold weather wardrobe and warm weather wardrobe, and all accompanying accessories - boots, snowpants, coats (see aforementioned point on making sure to purchase, on sale!, these items for the next size for the next season) swim goggles.
• Seasonal management - making sure the household has non-toxic and non-expired sunscreen, bug spray, beach toys, towels, bags, snow shovels, gas for the snowblower.
• Holiday management - decorations, gift selection and purchase, wrapping, creating family plans that leave the fewest family members miffed
• Answering eleventy billion questions about life, the universe, and everything. Today I had to whip out BOTH f=m*a and the explanation for how many bits are in a byte, bytes in a kilobyte, megabyte, gigabyte, terrabyte, etc. Thank god I paid attention in high school physics and college CS classes. Previous sessions include the branches of government and spirituality. I had a great role model, for the record. When I was about 12 my mom sat with me and taught me both binary and hexadecimal. Go geek moms!

So, what would you add to my list? And has your head exploded yet at the fact that not an item on there is focused on delivering to the at-home parent some level of intellectual stimulation? We have to source that into our activities - making a game out of knowing which store has which items on sale each week, meeting like-minded folks through the various volunteer and child activities, and finding flexible hobbies that can be set aside for months or years at a time (scrapbooking, writing, reading, photography, knitting for ex.)

Psst....did you know I wrote a novel?

Well, actually I've written several. Four at last count, though the 30+k words sitting on my computer at the moment are giving me the stink-eye. They're not a FINISHED novel yet. (Adrift, the hairy-eyed work-in-progress, is probably going to land right around 50k when complete and is a middle-grade science fiction story set on a family space ship that gets taken over by pirates.)

But THIS one, Convergence by Karen T. Smith, this is my pride and joy, my first ever novel. I wrote it in 2007 for National Novel Writing Month (which takes place in November of every year and I can't recommend highly enough.)

I finished November of 2007 with Convergence in first draft form at about 55k words and I honestly was sure I could do *anything.* The thrill of finishing a book is unmatched, in my opinion. It took me an awful long time to finish finish it, as the first draft was on the rough side to say the least (first novel! most people hide their first novels from the entire world. I beat mine into submission instead.) And then I did try the standard NY submission process for quite some time. And then...you know what? It's a changing world in publishing today. I decided to independently publish this book and other forthcoming titles (including Adrift, perhaps sooner than later, depends on how enthused I get about edits to A Star to Lead Me, which is my planned next release...)

This is a very exciting time to be a writer, and a very exciting time to be me simply because I'm really fascinated with the whole process - dreaming up book ideas, writing books, submitting to NY, submitting to agents (something a lot of people do but I long ago decided I didn't want to go that route), formatting for ebook peculiarities, doing covers, writing blurbs, figuring out marketing and promotion (er, scheduling time to write the blog posts...) and on it goes. It's a fascinating time!

At any rate, check out my announcement over on my author blog, and if you've read the book, let me know what you thought! (and if you have a moment, could you please write a review? Reviews help sell books, it's just the way of it.)

Thanks so much for letting me share my excitement with you.

Book Review - Ship Breaker by Paolo Bacigalupi

This book surprised me. It came up on a bunch of "people who read X read Ship Breaker" lists and I started tracking it around. When I read the acknowledgements and learned that Paolo Bacigalupi is friendly with other MG and YA writers I adore (Sarah Prineas, Greg van Eekhout), it started to click. But beyond the fact that this writer knows others I like, this book is just flat out excellent.

This is the story of Nailer, a light crew member, teen boy living on the gulf coast in a post-apocalyptic world of brutality, riding from one storm to the next. His father is unbelievably cruel, his life full of work breaking down big old ships on the coast, hoping to find a "Lucky Strike." When he and his friend discover a small yacht wrecked after a storm, they've hit the bigtime, until they find a girl hurt inside. The process of figuring out what to do about the girl, avoiding his brutal father, and eventually leaving his gulf community is the meat of this fast-paced story.

For parents, the story includes quite a lot of violence, adults against each other, adults against children. The characters pull through for the most part. There is also some youth drinking, which helps illustrate how foreign a world these kids live in, even while we can envision it from trips to Florida. I would suggest it's best suited for kids old enough to handle these mature themes, which to me is 13ish and up, 7th gradeish and up. Depends on the reader. The violence and drinking are not any worse than that portrayed in Hunger Games (though the kids partake of the firewater in this book.)

The way this book surprised me is that I'm generally a little sick of YA dystopias. I'm a super-fan of science fiction and a writer of YA/MG sci-fi myself, and get tired of the bleak and dark future portrayed in so many. While this book does paint a pretty desperate picture of the future, the spirit of the characters carried me up and out of that bleakness. I really enjoyed this book.

I enjoyed the pacing, I enjoyed the way Nailer had a plucky spirit that made me root for him from the very first moment. I enjoyed the richly painted future world that was similar but oh-so different from our current world. I found the book immensely compelling, very hard to put down. I hope you will, too.

Redefining who we are depending on what we're doing at the moment

One of the more unusual things about being an into/out of the workforce parent (sometimes called the "primary at home parent" and also the "Stay at Home Mom" but of course there's nothing particularly stay-at-homish about being the one who has the more flexible schedule, and of course it's not unique to moms, but let's just call it an into/out of the workforce parent for now) is the way we're constantly having to redefine ourselves. Refine our own personal message, our own "branding." And in the course of it, sometimes I think we lose track of important details.

Like, for instance, our extensive experience or advanced degree(s.)

I had something happen tonight that brought this to light. I have done some work at a client recently, which is also coincidentally where my husband works (not much coincidental about it, he passed my contact info along to someone in the org who needed the kind of tech consulting work I do - eLearning strategy, design and development.) They're doing a writeup, and in the course of it they're writing up my contribution to a recent project.

So, I know what my experience is. I know what I'm good at. I'm happy with my station in life. And yet I looked at this writeup and wondered who the heck that smart, awesome girl they were talking about was.

Oh. Me?

And it occurred to me that I'm so deep into the summer by now, the time with the kids, this godforsaken puppy (note to self: no more puppies!) the household priorities, that I've kind of put the "other" me on a backburner for the summer. I'm letting the writer me have second billing, right after the mommy me, but the eLearning strategist/designer? She's on summer hiatus. She's elsewhere in my brain.

And therein lies the rub, because in redefining myself for the summer, I almost lost a bit of me. And I think back to all the times in the kids' lives when I've had to refocus, change my way of thinking about myself or my approach with them when something isn't working for us (classic example: when at 3 months pregnant with our second I/we realized I. Just. Couldn't. Do. This. Anymore. And we started the thought process and transition toward me staying home with the kids for a while.) And I wonder what other parts of me have gone missing in there?

Do you ever feel like you've lost part of you while you're redefining yourself to meet your current needs and situation?

Book Review - The Chronicles of Prydain by Lloyd Alexander books 1&3

I'm in the process of considering a move from Shelfari to Goodreads, and decided to look at some of my book reviews on Shelfari (one of many reasons I'm only *considering* the move, since I would hate to lose all that intel!)

In doing so, though, I realized I had reviewed two of the Prydain books by Lloyd Alexander. These are books I often recommend to other readers and other parents of voracious readers, so I thought these might be of help. I only reviewed the first and third in the series, but each book is excellent in its own right. We listened to the five on audio book and really enjoyed them, we can't recommend them enough.

The Book of Three:

The story of the assistant pig-keeper and how he goes off on an adventure and learns much about his land and himself in the process. There's an excellent sidekick-type of character, a girl he meets about 1/3 of the way through. Her voice and quips lend a richness to the story, and much comic relief. My kids (ages 6 & 8) absolutely loved this story, which surprised me. We listened to it on audio, and it was read by a very talented british voice actor, which made it even better. Highly recommend.

The Castle of Lyr:

Lloyd Alexander's Prydain Chronicles have been a wonderful source of audio entertainment for my family. We particularly love the audio recordings of these books, as the voice talent is exceptional. Gurgey is our favorite head - a creature of indeterminate origins, Gurgey often speaks of "my poor tender head" and is known for semi-alliterative phrases like "crunchings and munchings" that are very funny.

 

In this third book of the Prydain series, the princess Alanwe (by the way, only long long after we read this book did I learn that it's spelled Eilonwe - ah, well, this is one of those risks of listening to books rather than reading them in print. And I am one of those lazy people that is not going to go fix it all...) is going to another castle to learn to be a lady. Taryn and Gurgey accompany her, and meet up with the Prince of that castle - a flighty nimwit named Ruun. Before long, there is interest and intrigue when Alanwe goes missing, in the company of the ambitious chief steward, Maag. Taryn and friends join the search, with Taryn agreeing to protect Prince Ruun for the king.

 

They encounter tangles and mishaps, and everyone's character is tested.  

 

The real value in these books is in the way the characters are each so unique, yet also so distinct. It is pretty easy, even without the benefit of the added dialects and inflections that the voice talent on the audio cds provides, to tell who is talking just by the kinds of things they say. They each have a way of speaking and a way of getting their points across that is hard to miss.

 

The kids find the different charcter's voices engaging, and the action and battle scenes (very mild battle, adequate action to keep an 8 year old boy entertained) hold their interest throughout the whole book.

 

I find these stories a little slow moving at times, but the unique characterizations and fun little magical details or lore of the land to be really interesting. Very much worth it, and if you can get it - do the audio book!